Update 63: "Jelly is Bones." It's Not Bones!

♪ A Guide for the Future ♪

Welcome back. Today, we'll be doing Balthus and Hapi's paralogue. It's...a step above the rest of the game in terms of difficulty, so that's fun.
♪ A Gentle Breeze ♪

No clue.
Right. This is bad. Real bad. Huh. This is bad. Real bad.
What's bad?
It's nothing. Well... OK, fine. If you insist, I'll tell you what's happened. Thing is...a box was delivered yesterday. Filled with feathers. Pricey ones. For bedding. Hapi loves a good nap, so she climbed on in. Now she and the box are nowhere to be found.
I checked with my merchant contacts. Turns out it was taken to Enbarr to be sold...on the black market. You catch what I'm throwing, yeah? Hapi was fast asleep in the thing when it was stolen...
That can't be true.
Oh, but it can. That's Hapi for you. She runs like clockwork, that one. Goes to bed at sunset and won't wake up until sunrise.
If we don't go and find her, something terrible could happen. One sigh and a demonic beast could come barreling through town...
If that were true, that would be bad.
Right! Way I see it, I have no choice but to rush off and rescue her. You in?
I'm in.
Heh, knew I could count on you! Let's get to it.

Now where's Hapi? We've gotta find her before that box is sold... Let's split up and search the town. We'll cover more ground that way.

Still no sign of her...
I know. Where in the hell could she— Gah!

Whoa, easy there! I have a good reason. Trust me.
Don't even try to weasel your way out of this. Ooh, you're the worst!
What's going on?
Don't ask me. I was just relaxing in Abyss, and when I came to the surface, everyone was gone. When I heard he was dragging you here I nearly threw a fit! You didn't need to find me. I was relaxing in Abyss. He made up that story as an excuse to drag you here.
You don't even know what I did yet. Not that you're wrong, but still. Look, I may be a scoundrel, but I stand by what I did. Let me explain.
I got a tip-off that an item was being sold on the black market today. Not just any item. My mom's—

We'll continue story time later. First, I'll need your help clearing out these thugs.

♪ As Swift as Wind ♪

Balthus, godsdammit, you could've just told me what was going on from the outset.

...What the fuck is this?! How did we end up so separated?

So...sigh, yeah, welcome to Black Market Scheme. Your units are scattered everywhere, Hapi is way too close to physical units who will chop her to bits in an instant, Balthus is is in a really bad spot, and everyone else ranges from bad to worse spots.

Here's the bo— Hang on, Baron Ochs? Like, the Ochs house that Monica (the real Monica) was from? The hell is he doing here, and why's he got Balthus's relic?

Pass: Allows unit to pass through spaces occupied by foes.
Unsealable Magic: Prevents unit from being silenced.

Gotta make sure you can't silence that 5-use Heal.

Ochs is barely worth talking about. He's fast, but that's it. Notably, he doesn't have a crest, so he loses 10 HP every time he's in combat, even if he can't attack you.

His helpers have some decent magic firepower.

Here's the group we're taking. Annette is Ashe's adjutant, Yuri is Balthus's, and Flayn is Leonie's.

Let's get this over with.
♪ No music ♪

♪ The Shackled Wolves ♪

If you see anyone with something that looks like a Hero's Relic, grab it. You already know this, but it would get real bad real quick if we let them run wild with that thing.
Wait a second. How did a Hero's Relic end up being sold on the black market?!

First order of business is ensuring Leonie and Ferdinand's safety by rattling these three.

Ferdinand takes out the magic user.

Hilda rushes the magic user, baiting the axe users and cavalry.

Putting someone with high Rsl in the top right is advisable, due to the immediate proximity of many magic users. Lorenz, of all units, actually fits that bill quite well.

Linhardt is here less for his combat prowess and more for Physic access. Physic is invaluable on this map, what with how everyone is spread out.

I don't go through with this, but look at that range. It's beautiful.

Time to defuse the mess that Balthus and Adan start near.

You're in my way!

Hapi also erases one of the jerks she spawned near.

Whoof. Too close for comfort.

Yuri, please, you need Str, I'm begging you.

Good ol' Chalice.

Ugh. So, here's the primary gimmick of this map: when units move out of their general spawn area, reinforcements spawn. After a couple of turns, all of the reinforcements that didn't already spawn will be forcibly spawned in. On Normal and Hard, these spawn-ins happen at the start of the player phase. On Maddening, they happen immediately after the unit moves out of their area.

Now that's a level. Keep it up, Lorenz.

Gods, that range is just ludicrous.

Also, that's a perfect level, as far as I'm concerned. Mag and +2 AS.

Lin is a decent healer, an incredible magic tank, and basically nothing else.

Hell yeah.


Time for the King of Grappling to come out to play.


I'll take it.

Ferdinand locks both of the armored knights in place.


Leonie and Ashe finish the knights off.


♪ Wrath Strike ♪

Easy there, buddy. Danger wise, that thing's on par with a Hero's Relic! If you don't have a Crest, you'll turn into a hideous monster!

Attacking either of the attendants provokes Baron Ochs into becoming mobile.

And with that, both attendants are dead, and Baron Ochs is locked in place.

Great enemy phase.

Here's Baron Ochs's specific battle dialogue. I don't have his portrait in my mini-portrait system, so he'll be represented by...I dunno, Gatekeeper's portrait.
Your Highness! Please, have mercy. I beg of you!
Baron Ochs. Explain yourself.
There's no time! Please, you must allow me to pass!
Read my lips, guy. I can't let you use that thing.
Can you not turn a blind eye for a man in need?! If not...I fear you have left me no choice!
Yeah. Not gonna happen.

Man, he's pathetic when rattled.

Dammit, my boy.

Yikes... You weren't kidding about the hideous monster thing. Is that what you were looking for, B?
That's it, all right.
...Oh. Yeah, I should've expected that.

A bit beefier than standard monster fare, but it could be worse.

Barrier: Armor tiles reduce damage taken by 50%, but break after two rounds of combat.
Vital Defense: Makes critical hits against this unit's armor tiles impossible.
Giant Wings: Grants Avo +30 against sword, lance, or axe users when the attacker is targeting an armor tile.
Renewal: Unit recovers up to 20% of max HP at the start of each turn.
Desperation: If unit initiates combat with HP ≤ 50%, unit's follow-up attack (if possible) occurs before foe's counterattack.
Darting Blow: If unit initiates combat, grants AS +6 during combat.

Well, that's Str.


Ah, hell. At the start of turn 6 (turn 5 on Maddening), all of the reinforcements that you didn't spawn already get forcibly spawned in. This can be...chaotic, to say the least, especially on Maddening, where the amount of units that spawn in is just shy of 50% higher than on Normal/Hard.

Not good, both of you.

RIP to Baron Ochs.

Since this is a rout map, we have to finish off the reinforcements before we can leave.

Finally. Thank you, Yuri. That's a really good level.

Well, Lysithea's near a bunch of dangerous units. This isn't good.

Lysithea can at least utilize her range to take out this cavalier that's pursuing her.

Ferdinand borrows one of Ashe's bows to take out that warrior.

Guess I have no choice!

Hilda avoids a potential counterattack with a very lucky crit. Taking out that brigand also ensures Lysithea's safety.

Lotta guys wanna simp for Hilda's axe, I guess.

That joke made more sense in my head.

...It was worth a shot.


And that is that.
♪ No music ♪

The Leicester Dicers Corps are kinda like the Gloucester Knights, except they have +1 Phys/Mag Atk in exchange for -1 Prt/Rsl. Unfortunately, they have Onslaught for a gambit, instead of Assault Troop.

The Timotheos Magi Corps are pretty nice! +8 Mag Atk, +10 Hit, +10 Crit, +5 Rsl at max rank. They've also got Resonant Flames for a gambit.

Nothing more you can do, pal. At least we got it back.
I know I owe you and Hapi an apology. So, uh... I'm sorry. Really sorry. Mean that.
I'm sure you had your reasons. When we get back, you better explain what the heck those reasons were.

♪ Respite and Sunlight ♪

It's not?
Nope. It's a replica. Crafted after the War of Heroes. It's a secret family heirloom of sorts from my mom's village. Somehow, word of it got out recently. As happens with valuable things, it was stolen soon after.
So when you heard it might be on the black market, you tricked others into helping you steal it by telling them I'd been kidnapped.
You're still mad, yeah? Look, I'm sorry. OK? There. You can go ahead and cheer up now. I only did it because if they turned into monsters, there was a chance I couldn't take 'em on my own. Couldn't risk telling you the truth. If the church had caught wind, they'd have taken it for themselves.
How uncharacteristically wise of you, B. So that's why you felt a need for this bizarre scheme.
Oh, and, Professor. Guess I owe you an apology too. Sorry. Shouldn't have done you like that.
You're forgiven.
I guess if Chatterbox can forgive you, I can too. You were doing it for your family, after all
What was up with that noble guy, though? He didn't seem interested in hearing what we had to say.
Yeah, good point. I wonder why he wanted this thing to begin with.

It seems Baron Ochs has passed away. That's who you're referring to, I presume?
Eddy. Do you know why he was after this thing?
I can't say for certain, but it's possible he wanted that item for his daughter. His daughter Monica went missing last year. She was found only recently.
What does that have to do with the Relic? Uh, the non-Relic, I mean.
Word has it that Baron Ochs received a proposition. His daughter's safe return, in exchange for a Hero's Relic.
Of course. This whole mess happened because somebody wanted to get their mitts on a Relic.
It's possible. But we weren't able to get anything out of Baron Ochs. The head of that house died years ago, and the whole family has been a mess ever since.
We have no choice but to find another source for that information.
Are you sure you want to return this thing to your village? People might come looking for it.
Good point. I actually got a letter from my mom on the subject. She suggested it would be safer in Garreg Mach. She also said my Crest should allow me to use it... She's entrusting it to me...which is a bad idea, so I'm entrusting it to you, Professor.
Are you sure?
Positive. You'll know what to do with it. Give it to me or someone else, whatever you think.
Um, B... That's a priceless artifact.
Sure is. Lose it and you'll owe me, heh!
Edelgard's dialogue changes if you're playing as the Black Eagles, pretty obviously, but it's nothing significant.

And for all that nonsense, we're rewarded quite handsomely.

Vajra-Mushti: 1 range. 7 Mt, 90 Hit, 10 Crit, 7 Wt, 30 durability. Enables Eviscerate for holders of the Crest of Chevalier. Requires Umbral Steel x3 and 2500 gold to repair.
Eviscerate: +10 Mt, +10 Hit, +10 Crit, 1 range, costs 3 durability. Deals physical damage if the target's Prt is lower than their Rsl, or magical damage using Str if their Rsl is lower than their Prt.

The Vajra-Mushti are accurate, they've got extremely high Mt for gauntlets (which normally max out at 4 Mt on silver gauntlets and dragon claws), and they've got a decent combat art for if Balthus is up against a unit with high Prt.
♪ Corridor of the Tempest ♪

Here's the levels from the auxiliary battle I did to finish out the day.


Well, if you're gonna get HP and one other stat, Str's the one I'd prefer.

Okay, physical units getting Mag was funny before, but now it's just odd. Ignatz is turning out really poorly, that Str/Spd is not okay for level 15.


And that is all for now. Next time: the Battle of the Eagle and Lion! I'll actually be showing that off, since playing as a different house can change that map quite a bit.

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