Update 18: Half-Life Full Life Consequences Joke



...So the entire objective of these "games" is to read? Nothing more?
It's less "that's the goal" and more "you literally can't do anything else."
Fascinating. What advantages do these offer over a simple book?
Sound, for one.
Ooh, when did you two suddenly become buddy-buddy?
Well, uh...
Let's just say it's a long story.










You stop where you recall there being something out of place. Unlike the rest of this eerie place, there is a noticeable patch of green here. You recall the request involving the mysterious seeds. It's possible that it could grow here. If you believe that, you could try planting them here.
Dosen, you're a plant guy, go take care of this.
I...don't see how being an Herbalist also means I know how to plant things like okay I see the sword I'm doing it now please put it away.
Believing that the seeds could grow here, you take them out and begin plant them in the soil. First you dig a hole, place the seeds in it, cover it with soil, and then water it. Thinking that you'll come back a few days later to see if anything's changed, you stand up to go when Alexis notices something.
I've...never seen a plant do that...
Right in front of them, a plant is growing at incredible speed! Could this be the seed you just planted?! While you're wondering this, it grows right past you and becomes a large tree! Still stunned by this turn of events, the tree then begins to move! And you're still processing this when it hits you!


On your knees from the great blow, you look up at the giant tree. It's clearly moving of its own volition, and clearly trying to kill you. Still unsure what's going on, you nonetheless know that you'll have to kill this monster before you. You draw your weapons and rise to the challenge!



Something tells me those hands could do with a little pruning!




I'm still thinking about how to change that lullaby so it works for tree monsters...
Why are you bothering to taunt monsters by singing in a language they can't comprehend?


Blowing away these deadwoods is a much better use of time!
...Was that a pun?
IT MOST CERTAINLY WAS NOT.



Pruned at last!
Was the jumpin' and flippin' around really necessary?
Uh, yeah?





You let out a sigh of relief after defeating the giant tree monster. Just to be sure, you attempt to dig up the seed you planted, but can't find any trace of it. This leaves you with no doubt. The seed grew into a monster. This is a troubling turn of events, but it would be unproductive to dwell on it. If anything, you should be glad that your poor client never managed to get the seeds to sprout. And with the request complete, all that's left is to report it back at the bar.









Good work. You finished the request safe and sound, right?
Um, not really.
What? The seed grew into a monster?! Are you serious?! Hold on, I'll need to contact the client immediately!


Man, this tree and the Labyrinth just...project an aura of weirdness.
Hm?
When was the last time something normal happened in that place?
You were a circus performer for years. What right do you have to call something abnormal?
Hey, being a performer means I'm stronger and more agile than you'll ever be. Plus, I can make little kids laugh!


Okay, I'm back. I just let the client know how dangerous those seeds are. By way of apology, he also added a bit more to the reward. From what we know, one of his predeccesors must have gotten the seeds from an explorer. Since they're native to the third stratum, they wouldn't grow anywhere else, and then they were forgotten about for generations. But... I'm a bit uneasy knowing that ordinary seeds could have easily gotten mixed up with monster seeds. Is my flowerbed going to be alright? Well, I guess if it comes down to it I can always just put up a request for you to handle it, right? *chuckle* Okay, here's your reward. Thank you.









Hey, everyone! I've got another material gathering request for you! Sorry for always asking so much of you. This time I'm making a Sapling Hat. Looks tough, doesn't it? So here's what I'll need: 1 Quality Sapling. Just sell it to me when you've got it, thanks!




That stuff looks like a level beyond toxic.


IT FEELS LIKE A LEVEL BEYOND TOXIC TOO!
WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS THIS?!




Wading through the poisonous swamp, you come to a clear area elevated above the rest of the swamp like a floating island.
Oh, finally, a good spot to reeeeAAAAAAGH!
Stopping briefly to catch your breaths, you then notice a corpse half-sunken into the swamp. While the body has long since been skeletonized, you can tell from the scraps of cloth remaining that they were wearing an old fashioned style of Lunarian clothing. You can either spend some time to give this corpse a proper burial, or ignore it and hurry on.
Dosen, please stop gripping my legs and trying to hide behind me.
How absolutely boorish of this person's compatriots to leave them-- To leave an unsightly corpse out here.
Well, anyone bring their shovels? Greg can dig a hole for a grave otherwise.
Having decided that it's only right to show the corpse some respect, you set about digging a grave for it.



It takes a lot of time and sweat, but you succeed in digging a whole large enough for an adult's eternal slumber. After a brief break to recover your stamina, you then gently pick the bones and lay them to rest in the grave. You then fill in the whole and find a nearby flower to place on the grave. After a moment of prayer, you return to exploring.







That, uh, that looks like a flat sheet of bone.
Not to worry, it's simply bone-colored wood. _{...At least, I sincerely hope it is.}

12F, D2 Chop Point

• Skullwood. 67% chance. Sells for 100 en.
• 1 needed to make Baculus (+45 ATK, +70 MATK, HP Up 3, Bronze x4). Costs 6250 en, sells for 2500 en.
• 2 needed to make Mekurabe Shield (+23 DEF, +10 MDEF). Cost 1800 en, sells for 720 en.
• 1 Phantom Cloth (Wandering Flame-Phantom) and 1 Skullwood needed to make Phantom Arch (+62 ATK, +70 MATK, Hellfire, Silver x4). Costs 8550 en, sells for 3420 en.
• Creeping Vine. 28% chance. Sells for 120 en.
• 2 Rotting Dog Ribs (Zombie Dog) and 1 Creeping Vine needed to make Knuckle Doggy (+67 ATK, +48 MATK, VIT Up 3, Bronze x4). Costs 4200 en, sells for 1680 en.
• 1 Creeping Vine and 1 Decaying Metal Plate (3rd Stratum Mine 1) needed to make Ringmail (+37 DEF, +24 MDEF). Costs 4200 en, sells for 1680 en.
• Quality Sapling. 5% chance. Sells for 600 en.
• 1 needed to make Sapling Hat (+19 DEF, +16 MDEF, +7 LUC). Costs 3550 en, sells for 1420 en.
• Ambush Chance: 10%

Dear lords, that poor dog...

Any particular reason you're thrusting at the skeleton's eye sockets instead of doing your job?
I have heard...very strong words about these archers, both from our comrades and from tavern-goers.


And now... I have very strong words...about this accursed dog...










'Kay, all we gotta do is just hit it one more--



...Oops.

I'm...reasonably certain I blinded it.










As you continue through the endlessly eerie Labyrinth, you run into a familiar pair of explorers.


Yo. Been a while.
...I was not expecting you to be so nonchalant.
The one who said that was Soleil. Standing next to her with a smile is Lily.
I'm...honestly surprised you've gotten this far in this hellhole.
It seems you've come to earn a small amount of respect from her, and her usual cold tone has been slightly thawed.
So, I guess you get to hear this. Seems like something happened, so the Council's asking for an urgent investigation of the 3rd Stratum...but there aren't all that many guilds up here, so odds are they had you in mind.
She then tells you that you should head back to town.
Normally we'd be on this shit, but... This time's different. We're getting close, I just know it.
After Soleil says this, Lily gives an unusually tense nod and turns to face north.
Just north of here you'll find the stairs to the next floor, but you really should report to the Council first.
Man, of course we gotta go to the Council when the stairs are right there...
With that, the two girls leave. If what they said was true, you should visit the Council for a new mission.



There is a new announcement from the Council to all explorers! Today, the Arcadian Council is assigning a new mission! Furthermore, because this mission would be far too dangerous for anyone less than a Master, only previously recognized guilds may participate! All applicable guilds confident in their skills should report to the Council.



Hello, Nameless. If you're here, then you've heard about the new mission, right?
Annoyingly, yes.
That's great. The mission today is for Masters only, so it's extremely difficult. I had my doubts that any other guild but you would be up to it. So, please accept it.


Welp, doesn't look like we've got any choice here.
Thank you for accepting the mission. In truth, this one is a direct order from the imperial capital. I've told you that Yggdrasil was the site of a great war long ago, yes?
Yes. And then you offered to repeat the story. Several times.
Perhaps it would better described as a legend though, because despite all I've said about it there is still much we don't know about it. The areas near the battle were sealed off after the war, so nature has made a remarkable recovery, but on the other hand that's made it difficult to perform any sort of investigation. We send regular reports the capital, and when they heard that we'd reached the stratum that appears to have been the site of the battlefield, they ordered us to search and and recover the articles of a certain knight who participated in the war. That knight, a member of the royal family, left his mark on history as the first dragoon by wearing a legendary set of armor, said by even older legends to have been entrusted to man by a golden dragon who protected the land.
Something tells me that story might be slightly embellished...
While it's impossible to say whether there's any truth to these legends, that doesn't change the fact that the armor is an irreplaceable treasure of the Earthrun people, and naturally they'd like to recover it. So we'd like you to search the 3rd Stratum, or rather the 12th floor, for four of his articles: the gun, the shield, the armor, and the helmet. The 3rd Stratum is still largely uncharted, so I'm sure it will be dangerous, but we of the Council can hardly ignore a direct order from the capital. That said, the magicians of the capital have also used powerful scrying spells to narrow down the locations, which we've copied down for you. The mana reacted to the 12th floor, and we believe that the descriptions of what they saw will be helpful.


We'd like you to find the legendary knight's belongings as soon as possible, but please be careful.
Can do, chief.
Is "chief" not a bit casual for Lord Remus?
I think being Masters gives me the right to be as chummy with Remus as I want.








As you walk through the large room, you come across a patch of soil that's a slightly different color from the rest. Curious, you dig it up to find what appears to be an ancient gun.


...Sasha, you're not thinking of stealing this, right?
Uh... Okay, A) this thing is way too old to use, B) I'm not some kind of money-grubber who'll pawn anything for cash. I prefer that my income be legitimate, thank you very much!



As you proceed carefully through the dangerous, poisonous swamp, you come across a wild deer.
A wild deer seems...pretty out of place here.
While normally these sorts of animals travel in herds, it seems to be a stranded on its own, perhaps because of the swamp. If you like you can hunt it for food.
This foolish animal won't last another week in this living underworld. Gut it and skin it.
...How about I do this humanely, hm?


Luckily, you have Gram with you. They draw a large knife and take down the animal in one swift movement!


You put its meat in your pack to eat later and return to exploring.










While walking through the gloomy Labyrinth, you find a thin dog, not making a sound. When it notices you, it begins to approach you, although its unsteady gait betrays its lack of strength. Based on its friendliness, it's probably someone's pet, yet its master is nowhere in sight.
Poor thing.
You can safely assume that it's hungry, so you can give it some of your food if you like.


When you hold out some Animal Meat, the dog wags its tail vigorously and bites into it...
Go on now, eat up, get your strength back.
Its meal over, the dog lets out a happy bark and begins looking around, as if searching for something. Perhaps it's waiting for it's lost master? Even when you beckon it over, it shows no desire to follow you.
...
Is that perhaps a twinge of sadness I see on your face?
Wh-who wouldn't feel at least a little sad for this poor mutt? Its master is probably long dead, a victim of unwarranted overconfidence.
You're one to talk.











12F, E6 Chop Point

• Skullwood. 27% chance. Sells for 100 en.
• 1 needed to make Baculus (+45 ATK, +70 MATK, HP Up 3, Bronze x4). Costs 6250 en, sells for 2500 en.
• 2 needed to make Mekurabe Shield (+23 DEF, +10 MDEF). Cost 1800 en, sells for 720 en.
• 1 Phantom Cloth (Wandering Flame-Phantom) and 1 Skullwood needed to make Phantom Arch (+62 ATK, +70 MATK, Hellfire, Silver x4). Costs 8550 en, sells for 3420 en.
• Creeping Vine. 63% chance. Sells for 120 en.
• 2 Rotting Dog Ribs (Zombie Dog) and 1 Creeping Vine needed to make Knuckle Doggy (+67 ATK, +48 MATK, VIT Up 3, Bronze x4). Costs 4200 en, sells for 1680 en.
• 1 Creeping Vine and 1 Decaying Metal Plate (3rd Stratum Mine 1) needed to make Ringmail (+37 DEF, +24 MDEF). Costs 4200 en, sells for 1680 en.
• Quality Sapling. 10% chance. Sells for 600 en.
• 1 needed to make Sapling Hat (+19 DEF, +16 MDEF, +7 LUC). Costs 3550 en, sells for 1420 en.
• Ambush Chance: 3%

...Did none of you manage to even catch a glimpse of the next artifact?
Less "none of us managed it" and "there was nothing here," you jerk.
That empty space is pretty suspicious, if you ask me.


Heh. Knew it. Think someone's got some apologizing to do for belittling everyone else's awareness.
...Nrgh.

Pushing your way past the foul vegetation, you come across a large metal board sticking out of the ground like a grave marker. As you approach, it becomes clear that it's actually an old shield, but it's been covered in dirt and moss. This must have belonged to the legendary knight from the mission. You carefully place it in your pack to take back to town.

...Spooky, scary skele--
DO NOT. I've had quite enough of that incessant racket from those irritating nitwits we somehow keep running into.
Oh, come on, you wet blanket, it's catchy.


THAT'S NOT CATCHY THOUGH!



Making your past past the fearsome undead, you proceed along the path to find an old stone slate. Inscribed in it are words from the ancient tongue.
Ahem. Allow--
Allow me. I know a thing or two about this old, old language.
...Harumph.
...Deciphered, they read:
"The four most treasured belongings of a knight braver than any man have been hidden on this floor. We have faith that, someday, our fellow Earthrun will return to this land to reclaim what was his."
That's as clear a clue as we could ask for, honestly.
They're clearly referring to the knight from your mission. Upon taking a closer look, you can tell that the soil beneath the slate has been disturbed. You try digging it up, taking care not to damage what might be buried here, and find an old piece of armor! This must have belonged to the legendary knight from the mission. You carefully place it in your pack to take back to town.





Okay, someone did this on purpose.
...Don't give me that kind of stare, child.







Making you way past the hall filled with skeletal swordsmen, you proceed to find a large tree with a hollow cavity. While it's too high up for you to clearly see inside, you can tell that something has been placed there. It's probably one of the legendary knight's items. You reach up to grab it before carefully placing it in your pack to take back to town.



You open the door to discover a relatively dry area suitable for resting. You're breathing a sigh of relief when you're suddenly approached by someone who calls out to you.


When asked, they introduce themselves as Marlone the Illusionary Fencer, from the guild Mina-san.
What, you stuck with the names the Explorers Guild gave? Booooring.
Apparently they had gathered up branches and leaves to make beds here, but then one of their party's scouts failed to report in so they're going to have to go look for them. In the center of the room you can see some fine looking beds made with leaves and branches, but covered in cloth. Marlone tells you that you're free to use them if you like, and then leaves.


As Marlone recommended, you take off your armor and lie down in the beds. The branches creak beneath your weight, but are surprisingly elastic and you can see yourself dozing off here. You briefly forget the dangers of the Labyrinth and drift into sleep...



...Dosen suddenly wakes up with their cheek on the cold floor of the Labyrinth!
EEEEEEEEAUGH! Ew, ew, ew...
Apparently the bed broke beneath them while they slept! The other beds are also more or less broken and are no longer usable. On the other hand, you did get a lot of rest and are once again full of energy!


You return to exploring with gratitude towards Marlone.










So...this is the armor used by the legendary knight in his final battle? Naturally, they'll be returned to the capital and treated with the utmost care. And I'll make sure that your names are passed on too, as the brave souls who recovered it. I hope this reward can properly convey the gratitude of the Council.






Oh, right. I believe you're familiar with two of our other Masters, Soleil and Lily?
Pretty familiar, yep.
Lately I hear that they've been especially zealous in regards to the exploration of the Vanuard's Mortuary. But as some of the first to reach the 3rd Stratum, they don't have many peers they can talk to. I hope that if they decide to confide in you, you can lend them an ear. They've been of great service to the city, so I'd like to help them out however possible.
Can do, hoss.
I somehow doubt they'll be very talkative, though.













Hey, have you guys gotten a Yamato Earthware Pot yet?
Nnnnnnnnope.
With the Power of Pot, you can make a dumpling broth that is 100% appropriate for cold days! So, it'd been a while since I last had it, so I started making the preparations, but... Massive Shock!! A Haunting?! Local Innkeeper's Fish Dumplings Disappear Mysteriously!!


Kitten: Meow.
...
So, what do you think? Gimme the expert opinion here. A fearsome, unknown monster that subsists on a diet of exclusively fish sashimi...?
Spotted Cat: Meow.
...
Or could it be a master thief, who spirits fish away in the night...?
Calico Cat: Meow.
...I'm recommending this case to the council for the list of Aeolis's Seven Mysteries!
STOP. I swear, you are trying to annoy me by being intentionally obtuse.
Ooh, being "intentionally obtuse" gets to Smugfried, huh? I'll have to remember that!
...And of course she was here at this precise moment. Ugh.
More to the point, I somehow doubt Genetta is intentionally trying to annoy you.



Y'know, we Brownies are a plain-faring folk, so this whole city-life thing kinda gets me down some days. I just miss the breeze blowing through me, making me feel at one with nature, you know?
Yep...
But, that's all the more reason to keep making new weapons so I can get outta here someday. And I'll need your help, so keep bringing back more stuff from the Labyrinth!


You know, back in the day, I used to have such good friends. I could talk to them about anything, count on them for anything, and we were always together...
Exactly the idyllic kind of company most people wish to keep.
But, I realized far too late that having the people around you still be around tomorrow is life's greatest luxury. Remember that.
...O-oh.


Ronin: Oh, if it isn't Nameless? Would you be interested in hearing what I know about the monsters known as Wandering Flame-Phantoms?
Prior warning never hurt anyone. Sure.
Ronin: Understood. What's most surprising about them is surely their ability to move through walls. That said, they don't seem especially hostile. If you don't bump straight into one, it's unlikely they'll attack. Furthermore, they move differently depending on the time of day. During the day, they'll merely move back and forth, but at night, they'll patrol in wide circles. Perhaps, being creatures of death, they feel some affinity with the night? Regardless, you'll need to be on guard at all times. And that's all I know. Come again if you ever need anything. Stay safe.
Heavy: I hear the Necromancer Lily and the Reaper Soleil spend a lot of time on the 3rd Stratum. Sounds like they're looking for something, but I wonder if it has anything to do with that other rumor, the one about someone crazy strong, and dangerous, hiding up there.
Given the Golem and the Hippogriff, I would assume such a monster exists, and it spends its time on the 15th floor.
That's...not as hard to figure out as you think it is.
Heavy: Eh, whatever, they're just rumors. I'd rather share a good drink than a tall tale, personally.


This one's from a Therian woman named Mia. She's in the bar right now, so why don't you go look for her and ask what she wants? Good luck.
Oh, good, that one. Thanks. That request is from an explorer who just recently arrived at the third stratum. Apparently people have been running into monsters who aren't native to the 11th floor. Most likely ones from higher floors who came down in response to all the "fresh meat". If we leave them alone they'll just be more and more victims, so before that happens I need you to defeat the monsters on the 11th floor. The victims reported running into them in these three locations:


So there you have it. Are you ready for this?
It's barely different from what we normally do, so...
That one's from the Council, and they insisted that you be the ones to take it. The details are top secret: they didn't even tell me. So for now, I guess you could say the request is for you guys to head to the Council.

Mia: Uh... Hi. You guys. I, um. Don't- I don't think we've met.
Oh, this one's a real piece of work, isn't she?
Say that again about some nice young girl we barely know and I'll make sure you regret it, Kaelin.
...Ngrk.
Mia: Um, hi, uh- Mia, my name's Mia. I'm- Sorry I know I'm ridiculously huge I know I hear it every day they say "Mia you absurd goliath your lumbering physique does nothing but obstruct the path of your betters!"
What uncouth oafs would say that about someone? You look perfectly fine.
Mia: ...That. That didn't have. Uh. Anything to do with the request. Sorry. I'll get to the, uh, I'll get to the point. Um, so, you remember a Lunarian man named Thaddeus? I-I'm, his fiancee.
Oh, really? Belated congratulations, then. ...That's to say, yeah, we remember him.
Mia: Oh thank goodness my conversational skills are a total mess so when Thaddie's other obligations prevented him from telling you this himself I was very concerned that I wouldn't be able to deliver this message properly SO WHAT I WAS SAYING WAS. So, Thaddeus and I are getting married soon, but, uh, there's...a little problem... The, uh, the craftsman said he- Needs the right materials for the veil for the ceremony, but we. Can't, um, we can't get our hands on any of what he was asking for, so- Please, PLEASE, I BEG of you, please can you find 2 Bamboo Flowers and 3 Pure White Sacks for us it's a matter of THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE!
Uh, y-yeah, don't worry, we'll take c-care of it. _{...I'm scared.}
Mia: ...Sorry I. I didn't mean to shout, um. Please, I- I really need the materials. Please.
As tempted as I am to cancel the request on behalf of all of us, don't worry, we have a reputation to uphold.
...Please just ignore this irritating jerk. You'll be better off for it.



Nameless. Looks like you've reached a stopping point up in the 3rd Stratum. So those ghosts up there- people call 'em Wandering Flame-Phantoms. They vanish into walls and then pop out somewhere else when you've relaxed. Now, not to assume, but if you've gotten this far, you know the rule that you should be observing how your enemies move. So... Do that.


I have, uh, I have heard that fearsome undead prowl the 3rd Stratum. Are you- er. Um... Do you ever, uh, find yourselves afraid of these...so-called spirits?
When you're around a Necromancer for so long--and, in my case, are their roommate--you get used to being around the restless spirits of the dead.
Sometimes I wonder if all spirits as are "restless" as those three.
O-oh? Oh, haha, really. I suppose I should expect such fortitude from seasoned explorers such as yourselves!
Oh, for the love of all that is scholarly... How do you feel about these ghosts?
...How do I feel about them? Oh, not particularly strongly.
...
...
...
...I find the topic a touch unpleasant.
...
...
...
...At nights as of late I have found myself praising the gods that I am not an explorer.
I suspected as much.
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