She's in there. Whatever happens, I don't care.





Judith...?
...
We're...here to talk. Is that alright?
...









You know, it's funny. When I got on the boat to Etria, I told myself that I'd never raise a weapon, sword or axe, at another person. I'd had enough murder. I'd seen enough death.
...
I felt myself slowly forgetting the people I was fighting were actually human. With lives of their own. Family that would mourn their passing. Family that would curse the name of whoever killed their loved one. Family that, given the right circumstances, would hunt me down. All for a war I didn't care for, and for which those soldiers probably didn't either.
Did that scare you?
Did that scare me?!
...My bad, that was...not fully thought through.









It more than scared me. I didn't even want to be a part of that mess. I was effectively conscripted by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.




I remember you saying, a long while ago, that where you came from, there was no returning from the brink of death.
When you die, that's it. No Nectars. No miraculous doctors to get your blood flowing again. You'd die, most likely with a large slab of metal in your chest. No ceremony. No time to say anything sad.




The only consolation you'd have was that whoever did it would probably suffer that same fate no more than a few minutes later.









I spent damn near every day with my mind in a haze. I'd never been trained in war. I was part of an anti-bandit militia. I'd learned how to subdue people and bring them to justice--not to indiscriminately kill whoever was wearing a different coat of arms. I tried my best to just forget what I was doing and cut down whoever was between me and victory, hoping they'd all bleed together in the inevitable memories.




It didn't work. I can't remember the last time I've had a peaceful moment to myself, or a nice night of sleep. Oh, sure, I'll get the full amount of sleep a person needs, but there's no guarantee I won't rise from it sitting stiff in my cot, out of breath, heart racing, and in a cold sweat. Sometimes my body isn't even merciful enough to give me that, and I'll bolt up an hour after finally going to sleep.




I've seen more lifeless bodies in my dreams than any person should see in their entire life.




I came to Etria not for the adventure or promise of riches, despite what all the posters back home said. No, I came here to get away. I thought "surely all the other explorers would at worst be neutral, and monsters won't weigh on my mind." And you know what? Both of those have come true. The past few months haven't exactly been peaceful--I don't think I'll ever truly experience peace again--but they've been comforting. I may fundamentally disagree with Ladette on the topic of the ethics of murder, but she at least hasn't done any mob stuff since we started. And yes, I may act like an exasperated mother at times.
But none of us resent you for that, and I doubt you resent any of us because of it. It's just a part of your priorities.
Right, exactly. If I must continue to use my swordplay and axe mastery, then I'd rather use it on unfeeling, unthinking monsters.









But... That's about to change, obviously.




I refuse to participate in the mission. I'm not doing it. I couldn't do it, even if I wanted to. But I don't. I don't want to see any more corpses. The scars I have might be too ingrained to rid myself of, but I can at least keep the dreams from getting worse.
Are you...planning to leave?
Well, that depends. Is there anyone in this guild who's happy to do this?
No.
Ladette's been silent on the whole thing. She might be an enforcer, but I think a massacre of the forest folk is giving her pause.
Has anyone tried negotiating with Quinn or Visil?
Visil refuses to see us, and Quinn insists there's nothing he can do.
Fucking blackhearts. Warmongering villains who foist the work of a genocide off on unscarred explorers. They deserve to rot in a prison cell, all of the Radha. I'd sooner give my own life to seal off the 4th Stratum than have anyone in Etria go through what I'm stuck with until the day I'm dead and buried.
Well, that's obviously out of the question...
I'd join you in it, though.
...Thank you, Emmett. Genuinely.
On a more practical level... Dammit, I'm not sure what we can do here.
I'm at a similar impasse.









One moment. Didn't you say earlier that you used to merely subdue bandits, so they could be tried and judged by others?
Yes?
Is there any reason we couldn't...apply those nonlethal techniques to the forest folk?
...
...
I... You know, I actually don't see why that wouldn't work.
That's an excellent idea, Emmett! Even beyond not actually killing any of the forest folk, perhaps avoiding indiscriminate murder would make the forest folk less hostile...
Gods know I'd be in favor of it.









...Maybe now's not the best time to talk to everyone about it, though.
It is...quite late, isn't it.
We'd all best retire to bed and rise early to inform everyone of the idea.
Sounds good.
With that decided, then... I am so very, very tired. I'm going to bed now...
I'll join you.
Wait. Are you two--
Dating? Yes.
We have been for several days, actually! The Radha's mission has...well, put a damper on that, unfortunately...
You didn't notice?
No. Congratulations, nonetheless. And, well, good night.
Good night, Judith.

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